Confession: Sometimes I Feel Guilty About How Much I Eat

Copied from my tumblr yesterday morning. Going to make more of an effort to cross-post to here too!

Sometimes I feel guilty about how much I eat. 

Not like “OMG I’m going to get fat guilty” but more like “why do I get to eat this much” guilty. Or alternatively I wonder how other people can eat so little, or how the heck I ever used to.

Case in point: yesterday, ate about 1850 calories according to LoseIt. Low (for me) because I went to bed early (for me—10:30pm) so was only awake about 9ish hours yesterday.

Woke up at 4am starving. Couldn’t get back to sleep and have been up since.

Like, for some people 1850 calories is a binge day. Some people don’t even eat that much on Christmas or Thanksgiving, or so it seems.

For me, 1850 calories is, “let me tally up what I’ve eaten in LoseIt so I can determine whether or not I need to take a sleeping pill to sleep through the night.” Yes, I did. And it got me 5 hours of sleep, so I’ll count that as effective.

But then I’ll start reading the blog of someone who’s eating 1200 calories day in day out and it’s like how do you do that? Aren’t you hungry? If so why do you have to be hungry all the time and I don’t? Am I crazy to eat/want this much food? Why do I get to eat so much?

Okay here are my answers for myself (aka why I “get” to eat 2500 calories/day):

  1. I’m not trying to lose weight
  2. I’m not trying to maintain an unnaturally low weight (I’m ~140)
  3. I’m tall (5’8) and pretty muscular so I need more food than a smaller girl
  4. And I’m young which makes my BMR higher
  5. I’ve made my metabolism pretty fast. I can literally feel my stomach burning through food.
  6. 2500 calories matches my daily calorie needs based on BMR (2300-2575) so it’s probably accurate
  7. I eat a balanced macronutrient ratio composed primarily of lean meats and proteins, fruits, vegetables, and healthy fat. Almost no starch. It’s not just 2500 calories of crap.
  8. 2500 is an average. I include alcohol and everything else in that. Most people eat more than they think because they don’t average—if you eat 1200 calories Monday through Friday and 3000 Saturday and Sunday including alcohol then you’re actually averaging 1700 cal/day, not 1200.
  9. The blog world is not the real world. Need to keep reminding myself of that!
  10. But within the blog world, the girls with bodies with bodies that I want eat pretty much like I do. 

Of all those points, #10 is probably the biggest reason I eat like I do. When I first starting lifting and reading the blogs of girls who lifted, I would see these girls who were 5’2 and 115 lbs eating 2400-2500 calories a day. I started to think “if they can eat that much and they’re still way tinier than me, why can’t I?” So I did. I had never heard of BMR and had no clue how to calculate how many calories my body actually needed. I sort of thought it was some magical property of weight lifting that let people eat that much. Now that I know how to do the math, I can see it’s right on track and makes sense, it’s not just magic.

And let’s be honest: when I’m reading through the archives of a blogger who attempts to eat 1100 calories a day and a year later still hasn’t lost any weight, why would I want to model myself after that person? I’m not trying to be mean, just giving myself a reality check because it’s easy to get caught up in the mindset of “well they do that so I should be too.” My philosophy has always been don’t follow the nutrition/exercise advice of someone that I wouldn’t trade bodies with, and overall the people I see who are successful and have a healthy attitude and life balance eat. Not starve. 

My point is…well I don’t really have a point, just me rambling. I’ve been up since 4am (as I said) lying in bed reading blogs and listening to the rain. About an hour ago I ate breakfast (3 whole eggs scrambled with mushrooms, spinach, tomato, avocado, and feta cheese) and now I’m thinking about 2nd breakfast—probs an apple and PB as I’m out of banana to make smoothies and the Royal Farms below my apartment didn’t have any when I ventured out in the rain at 7am (sad!) Normally I hate the rain but I’m okay with it today since it’s a) not cold just nice spring rain and b) it will help me be productive (laundry, cleaning, finishing up econ project do today). 

Peace out/Happy Monday!

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